Making Time
Sleep, the lack of it, and how we might have found the solution. For now.
I thought my husband was insane when he said he wanted to start waking up at 3 a.m. to get to the gym. All I could think was, OK, here we go again, setting ourselves up for failure. This would entail the boys all being in bed and asleep by 9 for us to even have a chance to wind down and get even 4 hours of sleep.
Insanity.
Well, we’ve been doing it for almost 2 weeks now. And I have learned that the most beautiful hours are between 4 and 6 a.m.
And now you think I'm insane.
For years we were putting our kids to bed between 10 and 11pm because by the time we cooked and ate dinner, relaxed and watched a movie, prepped for the next day, etc, there was literally no way we could be in bed sooner. And then during the school months we would wake the boys and they would be monsters. Tired, weepy, sometimes hungry…mornings were not fun. They would fall asleep in the car on the way to and from school and then be crabby all over again when we were waking them. No one ever seemed happy during the week.
Kyle, as the stay-at-home-parent, struggled to find time for his own self-improvement. The only time to work out was in the evenings, which cut into quality family time. There was no time for reading or programming (he’s a developer by trade) or woodworking which he has taken up. He would sacrifice his own spare moments sometimes to hold down the fort so that I could work out instead, or have some time to sew. It was like we were always playing tradesies on whose turn it was to do something that was anything resembling self care.
I can’t remember what inspired him or how he got the idea, but after reading one of his many personal development books, he announced late this summer that we would start getting the boys to bed by 8:30 (like normal families) and he would be waking up at 3 a.m. to drive to the gym and do his weight lifting. I was immediately dubious, but I figured he would suffer for a couple days and then realize what an ill-conceived notion this was, and then things could just go back to normal. Although I agreed and knew something had to change with our routine, like most humans, I don’t like change, it’s scary and unpredictable. Even something as benign as a simple change in routine can seem intimidating to me because I knew that if things went sideways, I would have to help fix whatever sort of disaster arose in order to get the boys to school on time; lunches packed, correct shoes with the matching uniform, etc.
At first, hearing his alarm at 3 a.m. really pissed me off. I tried to go back to sleep, but then the SmartWake sensor on my FitBit was like, “Hey you’re already up, you wanna cancel your other alarm?” So then I figured, okay, what the heck, I guess I'm up. It was 4:45. Kyle was still at the gym. I normally woke up at 5:30 to hit the snooze button and then hustle to be out the door by 6:30. But that morning, I drank my 32 ounces of water almost leisurely, listened softly to my podcast so as not to wake Adam sleeping in our room, snuggled in my robe and paced the bedroom to get some steps in.
It was rather lovely.
The next morning was my day off, and that is normally my morning workout day. I added some yummy cherry-flavored pre-workout to my morning water, which Kyle recommended because it helped him at the gym at such an early hour. I wasn’t used to the tingly jittery feeling it gave me, but I had the zip to start my workout as soon as Kyle finished his shower so he could take over watching the baby. And it was only 5:30. I got in my 5k, and by the time I finished stretching, the boys were still sleeping and my husband and I had a whole HOUR to sit and watch a show together.
What the heck was this magic?
Then school started the next day.
The boys were getting the hang of early dinner, some playtime, then shower, then bed by 8:30, so the night before the first day of school went smoothly. Wesley woke up - get this - on his own. No yanking the covers off, no dragging him out of bed by the elastic of his underwear. The kid got out of bed with a freaking smile on his face, woke up his brother, got dressed and brushed by himself…It. Was. A. Miracle.
Above: first day of school
And the amazing part? None of us felt drowsy throughout the day. The boys got at least 10 hours of sleep, and Kyle and I got a solid 6 or 7 if we would fall asleep by 10. The kids' spirits stayed high, they had energy to play and craft, and they didn’t fight us when bedtime came because they were good and tired. The same thing went for Kyle and me. We were ready for bed by 9:30 - not exhausted and cranky, but relaxed, excited to be productive the next day.
We have successfully continued this routine for almost 2 weeks. I have even found that I can squeeze a workout in on my work days - and I work 12-hour days!
Who would have thought that the whole “early to bed, early to rise" quote actually had some merit? We are now at a point where I go to bed excited for our morning routine - the pre-workout drink, the quiet time, the exercise, the alone-time with my husband before work or waking the boys for school. And we are getting more sleep, drinking less caffeine overall. We are sharper during the day, more motivated to check things off the to-do list. Heck, we’re actually making to-do lists! Kyle has had time to put towards planning his financial goals and career development, and some of his ideas are actually coming to fruition, as opposed to constantly having to choose between the boys and his own development.
Sleeping when there is still light out is a reality, but the boys are adjusting
We have found those golden hours to get just a little more done. It’s not perfect, hobby time is still a little elusive, but that will change as life evolves and the boys grow (which is happening rapidly, sadly). But right now, today, we are joyous, we are hopeful, and I don’t see us going back to ever sleeping in until 6 a.m. ;-)